I guess it’s best for me to start by saying this is such a different experience for everyone; I know of people being so excited to get out on the road, they’re unintentionally naive to the unexpected, then there’s people who naturally feel some fear taking on this new venture (makes sense) but still do it, obvious 🙂
For the first time in a long time, the quote “expectations vs reality” hit me hard, knowing the Van was coming to an end, knowing I was about to go on a two week road trip with my best friend and after that go out on my own – the excitement was beyond the stars. For the amount of, we’ll say, stress the build caused me at times I was fully expecting to feel this sense of relief “aaahhhh” weight off my shoulders, it’s finally done, my home is here, look where we are – beautiful B.C.
BUT in reality, that feeling I’d been waiting for, my Home on Wheels being done came in waves, during the small things – the morning routine of making coffee, making the bed and cleaning the area, while the dogs ran free.
The unexpected situations I wasn’t expecting to happen, happened. During our adventures together for the first time in the Van was truly amazing – though I must admit I felt more overwhelmed than I was expecting to feel..
… That being said, I had a few “ah ha” moments too, one’s that helped me get a clearer vision of my why because that wasn’t something I fully could display. I can recall two moments during our trip on Vancouver Island that felt life changing for me
“Nature is the greatest place to go for clarity, it pulls emotion out of you to help you find the answers.”
We took a hike through Cable Bay Trail in Nanaimo towards the beach, beautifully surrounded by the biggest trees I’ve ever seen and completely engulfed in nature – we both walked in silence admiring our surroundings until I had thoughts come through;
“What am I gonna do after this trip….”
“How am I going to get there….”
“What more do I still need to do….”
“I can envision my dreams, goals and desires so clearly – but where do I go from here”
“I know what I want, I know the impact I want to make, I can see it like it’s mine… but it’s still at arms reach….”
I finally broke the silence and began to share these thoughts with Steve, next thing I knew I found myself in tears. Talking about my goals in creativity, my plans for the Van and the fears that came with it, the impact I wanted to make on others and how much I wanted to share my past experiences to bring light to those who need it.
Needless to say, it was a conversation I needed. I’m the dreamer and the visionary, while Steve is the logic and business and together we came up with a plan – He said, you need to determine what your why is, feeling a little triggered that I thought I knew this already; I quickly realized I didn’t fully and felt a little lost.
After the hike on the beach we had a 2 hour drive ahead of us to Tofino, BC and the entire drive was pure silence – for the first time ever – Steve thought I’d had to been mad at him LOL
But really I was in my head, reflecting on this statement and going through all the projects I had going on and the direction I saw each of them going. THAT was my moment, that felt like I just changed my own life, driving through what MUST BE the most beautiful drive in Canada, on highway 4.
Again, I broke the silence in the Van and asked Steve to text me some notes; notes of an action plan to each project or opportunity I had going for me and what I needed to do. Fast Forward, we arrive in Tofino and WOOW breathtaking. I found time to journey and reflect on the emotions coming up around my why when choosing this lifestyle, while also thinking about the fears that came with it. This is what came through;
Learn to dance with fear – Feel it, acknowledge it, lean into it but don’t allow it to stop you or keep you stuck – go towards it with your own light.
Two of the most important emotions for me (and most humans) is security & certainty, throughout my childhood I witnessed too much at a young age which created a sense of lack in both these areas around what was or who was a constant in my life (people, places or things).
The first thing that came to mind was that my Home on Wheels is mine, it’s created the way I envisioned it, feels the way I wanted it to feel, looks better than I expected.
I knew there was guaranteed security and certainty in the fact that this home on wheels belonged to me. This is now MY space, like a reflection that holds the mirror to my highest, healed creative space to allow who I truly am to excel and live the life, [on the path] that I not only deserve but where I’m meant to be – the place where I’m meant to step into and live abundantly.
Through my moment of reflection, my spirit helped me understand that choosing this lifestyle was what I was destined to do, to build a community of open-minded beings, consisting of more free spirits who live through the eyes of love, creativity, and the Earth’s connectivity.
All of this to say, my why is different for Van life as it is for my creative side but when someone asks me why I chose to Live in a Van, on the road – This is home, my flow of who I truly am, unapologetically – this is where I’m destined to be in this time and space of my life.
I’ve been incredibly blessed to find a partner who supports my dreams, together we are one [anywhere].
Sending you so many Blessings